Monday, February 2, 2009

yes, I can't cook

I was introduced as a young bride, “pretty, yes, intelligent, yes…. But…….”
In a whisper “SHE CAN’T COOK !”

I met some distant (and after this meeting, even more distant) relatives, who said
(compliment) : Wow, you’re looking so slim after all these years.
(not-so-compliment) : It must be because you can’t cook.

I’ve thought of learning. I’ve bought half the recipe books ever published.
And then I’ve realized I’m not learning to cook.
I’m learning to give in. To what every woman “must know”.

So I’m publishing it. I have a personality flaw. I had a deprived upbringing.
I learnt Shakespeare, to fly kites, to skate, to swim, to write a play, the rules of boxing.
But I never learnt to cook.
I am the only person I know who can burn water. It takes me 20 minutes to make the Maggi 2-minute noodles. And it still tastes raw.

Learning :
I can’t spend hours in the kitchen making a dish to make my guests go orgasmic.
Instead, I spend the evening chatting with them –about things that really matter. Like the food we’re going to order in.


  1. I'd also recommend watching lots of cooking shows on TV - so you can give in to impulse when you order in dinner.

    It isn't any easier on guys. I was shaped by this event: you're a kid, your hero 'uncle' moves overseas, visits a few months later with 2 packs of Wrigleys Extra Mint (yay!) and the proud confession that he can cook rasam and sambar. You're convinced it takes a big guy like your hero 'uncle' to cook, so you'll never ever be able to. I still haven't measured up.

  2. nice one jane...well written...

    having said that...i hear that one learns to cook after getting married...i wonder..if that holds true only for men...hmmmmm..why did i say that???...ooops my rice got burnt...hell!!

  3. I like it Jane, Archana's Kitchen is just for you :)

  4. you can't cook?? now you tell me!
    what were you feeding me for the past so many years?

  5. never wondered why you didn't put on any weight ?