Thursday, May 17, 2012

Doctor What?

Do you realise that these doctors get away with a whole lot of stuff that any other mere mortals would get a stunning slap for?
Yesterday, I went for my annual (read as once-in-5-year) health check, and the ultra-sound doc tells me: “I want to see your bladder full!”
I – want – to –see –your –bladder –full!  Try and put that into a normal conversation if you can.
Hello, says the bank teller, what can I do for you today?

I want to see your bladder full!
Here are other smarmy things I overheard behind other closed doors of this clinic.
“I hope you’re not wearing any underwear.”  (Ok, ok – Xray room)
“And now, go pass urine please.” (Lab assistant)
“Do not breathe till I tell you to.” (Hello – turning blue here!)
“Your gall bladder is constricted.”
“And what colour is your stool?”
I mean – C’mon! Take that for a conversation starter. Guy meets girl online in chat room. Guy says, “So, what colour are your eyes?”
Girl says: “Black. And what colour is your stool?”
See – doctors can ask these dreadfully, burningly embarrassing questions about people’s prostates and fungal growth and peptic ulcers. And get away with it! How many times do you pass gas – have sex – brush your teeth – drink alcohol - get off your butt – eat roughage -  in a day or week. And you are duty-bound to keep a straight face and answer them.
The next time I go in to see a Doc, I’m going to start with, “Hi Doc, so have you emptied your bowels today?”