Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Jane Funda’s workout

To those of you who ask me how I stay slim in spite of 2 kids, I say I stay slim BECAUSE of 2 kids. But here's my secret - the daily exercise regimen - never miss a day.

Yoga : Start the day by lying on a mat staring at the ceiling.
Breathe in, saying “Oooooooooooom”
Breathe out, saying “WHO threw ketchup at the ceiling?!!!”

Aerobics : (good for the heart)
It’s gonna rain. Run up the stairs, to pull in all the clothes drying out. Kids run after me to help. Niks throws a clean bed sheet over the terrace wall. It falls to the ground 3 storeys below.
Run 6 flights of stairs down to get the bed sheet, run up 6 flights of stairs back to the terrace. Find that Niks has thrown all the clothes clips over the wall. Run down…. (to be repeated at least thrice).
Scream and rant and rave at Niks (bad for the heart).

Rest : (Finally slump down on pillow for well-deserved rest).
Jump up, with pillow jumping with me. Why? Someone has stuck chewing gum on the pillow. Spend 1 hour vigorously washing hair, and finally have to cut off some strands.

Dance :
So angry now, that should catch and whack the butt of some offending kid. Easier said than done!
Lunge to the left. Bend to the right. Jump over the chair. Dive under the bed. A 1- and a 2- and a- 3- Stretch to the top of the cabinet – a-4- and a- 5- (count till 30 and if haven’t caught the kid till then, let him go!)

Meditate :
Close eyes, sit in a dark room and listen to the sound of …
“Mama, potty!”
“Mama, Marcopolo is chewing up my underwear.”
“Mama, how do I get a crayon out of my nose?”

Learning : Dash around doing three things at once, maybe 40 times a day, and I guarantee you – even after eating comfort-food of a double bar of rich chocolate a day – you will – on this exercise plan– lose 5 pounds a month (and a lot more hair).

11 comments:

  1. Hilarious. So when are you opening up your gym classes? Count me in.

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  2. and here i was thinking i was on a training program at guantanamo bay with all the sleep deprivation and stripped-of-dignity groveling to eat/sleep/change/wake up/drink/put the knife down/don't eat that/please eat that/don't scream/talk to me instead/look at me/please don't drop it/please pick it up/turn off the tv/dont get up there/dont jump from there/dont go in there/dont go out there/dont put your finger there/take your finger out of there/wash your face/wash your bum/get away from that/write on paper/not that paper......

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  3. oh my God. Rip-roaring funny stuff. (Thanks A for passing on this link).

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  4. May i borrow your kids :)

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  5. hey niks thats what i need aerobics for the heart.....im a couch potato at the moment..

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  6. Lalita KambhampatiMay 10, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    You hit the point - A person who really works does not need a workout. In older days, people would come back home from work and rest; nowadays people come back home from work to workout again. Jane Funda's workout is really exciting, unpredictable and has no scope for boredom.

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  7. thanks, lolly, and deepa, grey eyes, i'm willing to give those offers a serious thought.

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  8. Well I love this and I know it happens...

    But darling you were always blessed with a slim figure even after 2 babies so you can't really claim that only those activities are your secret :P... So thats a lot of cheating HA!!!!!!!!!!

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  9. Nice workout and heart healthy cardio jg!!

    ~sms~

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  10. ira - here i'm giving out deathbed secrets, and you still doubt me ;P

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  11. lovely post...I can relate... my cat monitors my workout routine... :)


    -d-

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