Monday, April 12, 2010

WoMandatory


This is in heated defence of what S calls the advantage of being a male – “you don’t have to carry a bag of useful things around.”

Dip-bag research held immediately.
Results :

- 93% of women friends carry a Biiig bag to put all the things that might be needed. Like a hockey stick – hey, you never know when you’d need that. My Ma has never thrown out anything since 1960 because she’s convinced we will all need that some day.
- 10% of women carry photographs of old boyfriends UNDER the picture of their husband.
- 30% of women carry a pair of running shoes, since they wear thigh-twistingly high heels to look taller than their Boss
- 82 % of women carry tissues, in case they go for a movie, and in case the movie is sad, and in case they cry, and in case they have no man’s shirt nearby to wipe their noses on.
- 3 % of women carry money for impulse shopping. The other 97% do NO impulse shopping (that they can’t buy on their card). 96% of these carry their ‘joint account’ card. Ahem!
- 57% of women carry chocolates/ candies/ gum/ roasted pork chops with burnt sauce – in their bags in case hunger pangs hit.
- 35% percent carry safety pins to “accidentally” jab viciously into that man in the bus who “accidentally” falls on them. The others carry more dangerous weapons.
- Many percent carry lipsticks, perfumes, sunscreen, mascara – and a spare toothbrush.
- 45% of women carry age-proof that proves they are 15 years younger than they actually are.
- Zero percent of women carry anything “useful” if it doesn’t look expensive or make them look expensive.

Dip-stick research carried out on men friends as to what they’d carry if they had to carry a big bag – turned out responses like “But Why?” or "Why Me?" , and were invalidated.

Note : Nowadays, women in fashion magazines are not seen with a big bag, but something called a ‘clutch’ – which is the size of a post card, and as slim. These are not ‘real women’ but cut-outs of paper, that weigh as much, and are born without things such as brains and ‘hunger pangs’ – both needed to adequately fill that big bag.

16 comments:

  1. loved the post - reminded me of my younger days when I used to carry safety pins. Not any more though.
    An useful article that I carry - Vicks vapour rub to- keep away any unpleasant odours .

    & why would men want to carry a bag - when their wallet, shades and that camera can all go into that biiiig bag.

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  2. so what 'bout those women who carry neither a clutch nor a Big Bag but a wallet in their back jean pocket?

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  3. hehehe...hahahaha...laughing out loud.i do carry a biig bag around but i dont keep any of the above mentioned things in it. the list of my bag would probably make for the content of another post...or maybe a book ;)

    amazing post...where do you get these topics from.simply superb.

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  4. here's a secret: boys' pockets are always full!

    back to your point, some recent survey showed women carry table lamps, foldable picnic furniture, reptiles, rawl plugs, tasers, segways, cans of liquid rocket propellant, inflatable dinghys, ouija boards, spare F1 steering wheels, small furry animals, fissile plutonium and open heart surgery kits in their bags. At least, that's the number of chambers they look for before they buy the perfect bag.

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  5. Lalita KambhampatiApril 12, 2010 at 9:51 AM

    Someone had once said "Less luggage more comfort" when a friend had commented that it is smarter to carry your comforts along...that is exactly what the smart women do. The modern woman carries her mobile office in that bag as well.
    Your comment about the women in fashion magazines...I had been wondering what they carry in that micro-sized bag that doesn't look like it can even hold a cell phone.

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  6. Nappies, toddler wipes, portable high chair, toddler food, toddler snacks, a sticker sheet, drawing pencils, small writing pad, a bow wow, a meow cat, a bear, stacking cups, iPhone to view rhymes on you tube- where would all this go if there was no biiiig bag? Can the clutch bag render even one of these services, I ask you?

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  7. And I wondered why I keep buying bigger and bigger bags ;) - Cheers to hunger pangs and brains (in that order)!!

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  8. well written....you spoke of women and men...but you missed out that one great friend "D"...ring any bells....wonder what all he has in his purse or bag or suitcase...:-)

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  9. @ dugul, must ask the big D himself.
    @ seju, the transition from biiig bag to biiig bag for small people accessories is evident from the content of yours.
    @ hathi patani - cheers indeed!

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  10. @ puja, i knooooow what you carry in your bag ;)
    @ anon - that's called a man
    @ pach- your research agency looks a lil more in-depth than mine - ahem

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  11. @ lalita - the women on page 3 who carry their small clutch - they're followed by secretaries who carry a mini-van full of everything else :)

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  12. Lol..Co-incidentally my FB status yesterday was about the same thing...I was cleaning my Shoulder bag(Daunting task..u know)it took me nearly 1 hour 15 minutes to sort out necessary and unnecessary stuff.Psst..just between u and me...I ended up putting almost everything back, can't get rid of stuff.So now my bag is still with same clutter..err bit organized though ;-)

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  13. 'a zoo in my luggage'.
    just remembered reading it ages ago.
    don't ask why.

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  14. yeah....water, water more water...in case....the municipal pipes hv burst...
    falsies, leaves which itches...for unwanted bus neighbours, cloves-for the tooth ache, n for offering to ppl with bad breath, mosquito repellants, for the parks and lawns....they love sweet blood..

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  15. he he he....i always have endless supply of dry and wet tissue paper n my guy frens always made fun of me but grab my bag wen d need arises.. in engg wen papa gave away my huge yellow bag just cos its made of jute n he thot it came free of cost i bot a backpack n my goodness, frm deo 2 facewash 2 food, water, umbrella,cosmetics, dig cam... u- name- it was in my bag n of crse 1 5 subjects in 1 notebook;).... a clutch wud never ever do

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  16. Guilty as charged except for the roasted pork chops!(yuk)

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