Friday, January 8, 2010

Proven New Year Diet

  1. I will lose weight from the 1st of Jan, 2010.
  2. I will start this resolution on the 2nd of Jan, since the 1st of Jan is the New Year party hangover day and I will need sugar for strength to start my diet.
  3. I will not eat more than 1 sweet thing a week. (coffee and tea do not count.)
  4. Coffee and tea do count! Just checked that every spoon of sugar adds 30 calories. I will drink them unsweetened.
  5. Just tried unsweetened coffee. Will not survive it. I will cut out the 30 calories from my breakfast instead, by not eating half the apple.
  6. I will not eat the left-over Christmas cake. I will instead give it to my neighbours who will return the favour by sending back more home-made sweets, which I will NOT eat.
  7. unless they send their coconut barfi, which I cannot resist, so will eat one a week (allowed by my diet resolution) but coconut gets bad soon, so must finish in one day.
  8. I will cut out snacking in between meals.
  9. I will cut out meals, when I do give in to snacking.
  10. I will chuck out all the snacks in the house. (maybe not these crisps I’m munching on right now, because they are exceptionally good, and they are made of chilli-potato, which is healthy, since chilli is good for the heart).
    ok, I will keep the snacks, but only for emergencies.
  11. Midnight chocolate cravings do not count as emergencies. I will eat carrots instead.
  12. No more chocolate !!!!!!
  13. (unless someone gifts me chocolate, which I can’t refuse, because that would be rude).
  14. Read somewhere that chocolates help in avoiding migraine attacks, which would qualify them as a medical emergency.
  15. Go vegetarian.
  16. I will cook only with olive oil, which makes Mediterranean people live longer.
  17. They also eat lots of fish, so I cannot go vegetarian.
  18. Eggs are high in cholesterol but also high in calcium. ????
  19. Compromise. Eat eggs only in things like cakes, puddings and pancakes.
  20. Do not eat hidden fats. (Does cabbage have hidden fats? Must check, till then, do not eat cabbage).
  21. Also do not eat pumpkins, radish, tendli until the above point is checked out.
  22. Substitute instead with plenty of vitamin supplements.
  23. Vitamin supplements leave a bad after-taste, so have them disguised in a small chocolate pastry (chocolate is a medical emergency, as just proven here).
  24. Do not eat out more than once a week.
  25. ok, eat out, but order sensibly. Drink soup.
  26. Do not drink.
  27. Just read that Alcohol kills the appetite, so drink a lot.
  28. High-fibre diet. Order lots of fried nuts and cashews with drinks.
  29. Drink plenty of water (Beer is only 5% alcohol, and 95% water).
  30. January is full of friends’ birthdays, so should this diet start from Feb?

    Jane’s Proven Immediate-Result Guaranteed Crash Diet Plan (in summary) :

    · Party heavily. Drink a lot.
    · Snacking is allowed, especially chocolates
    · No more cabbage, red spinach, radish and other unhealthy veggies.
    · No veggies at all. Non-veg makes Mediterranean people live longer.
    · Plenty of coffee and tea, with sugar, but cut out fruits to balance the sugar in body
    · No more sweets, unless medical need, or gifted a box, or neighbours send some over, or friend’s birthday party (or other emergencies).


  1. purrrrrrrrrffectt sweet killer diet resolutions :)
    it is a honey bunch sugar pie glycemic
    sweet lie----------
    Sugar sugar, how you thrill me, ah-hah, sugar sugar
    Sugar sugar, u nearly kill me, ah-hah, sugar sugar


  2. Way to go with the NEWEST resolution Jane!!!

  3. Mine. Meet Jane. Drink plenty of water.

  4. A masterpiece in self-deception, but a masterpiece nevertheless.

  5. "Made my day Jane :) Was just sulking after being asked 'boy or girl' question - EEEEEK!!"

  6. Elizabeth Samuel MathewJanuary 9, 2010 at 5:07 AM

    love reading your blogs jane

  7. like - very much :)

  8. hahahaha... good one!

  9. Ranjana Venkatraman-ShreedharJanuary 9, 2010 at 6:38 AM

    Gosh Jane, You are still at it. Keeping us in splits I mean. Had a lot of hearty laughs reading your blogs. Keep it up Girl!

  10. thanks all - this was actually a resurrected piece i wrote 3 years back - but find the resolutions haven't changed much.
    resolutions for this year : write more often.

  11. you're the next guru, jane. i'm signing up for your camp whenever you have one!

  12. Loved this one,Jane :-)Sounds like story of my life !!! Hope this does not deter our meetings over coffee( dah !) and heavenly chocolate cake:-)

  13. You can resurrect this piece every 3 years, and still no one will notice. Same story every year, for everyone.

  14. Ah ur plan sounds so much like mine..only that I can't afford to go haywire..hubby following diet plan and workouts strictly and is turning into a prince charming day by day, I do not want to lag
    Though temptations are so hard to resist, still trying to cut down as much as possible, but alas it hurts to ditch chips, panipuris, fried stuff and chocolates and I hate to eat muesli and all..isnt our farsan(and sev padpi) more tastier? ...sigh!

  15. ha ha ha.. nice 1 jane auntie