Thursday, July 23, 2009

The dog ate my excuses

10.10 a.m :I am so so late for a 10 a.m. meeting – everything that could have gone wrong, WENT wrong… Murphy lives !
I am therefore in my bath, when the cell first rings ‘Where are you, Jane?’
“On my way”
Nik starts howling.
‘What is that noise?’ asks the office voice
“That’s the traffic policeman. Can’t talk. Bye”

10.25 : Make it somehow to the car.
Yeooooww – forgot the stupid car key.
Run up the stairs.
Get into the car. Forgot the stupid cell phone.
Run up the stairs..
Cell rings “Where ARE you, Jane?”
“Bad traffic. Baaaad traffic. Traffic jammed for miles.”
Neighbour on stairs “Hi, still here today?”
Office Voice : “Who was that?”
Me : “Radio – radio FM”

10.45 : Now truly stuck in the dratted traffic jam.
Cell rings “Where are you NOW? Client’s waiting.”
“Reached. Parking. Be there in 5 mins.”

5 minutes later : Office voice :”Where are you now?” (I think they’ve got an automated voice response to keep saying this – it sounds like Arnold Schwazznegger )
“Can’t find parking. There in 2 mins”

Reach the office 1 hour 7 ½ minutes late. Rush into meeting.
Furious looking office person (owner of the Office Voice) and grumpy looking client.
“So Sorry! Am I late?
So – Where are We now? “ (hah ! Revenge on the Automated Office Voice).

Learning : I have made and heard excuses of every species : Rained, Flooded, Caught by police, Kid (Dog/ Fish/ Spouse) fell ill, I fell ill (should be accompanied by violent sneezes), forgot the way, forgot the date, forgot who I am (should be accompanied by bump on the head)…. Gonna write a book on them some day – Got any real winners, anyone? Maids have the best ones, I think though, going by the number of times they kill off a number of grandmothers.


  1. ha ha jane this is so true... God .....i wish time froze in the morning ;)

  2. A Friend directed me to your blog, and am I glad.
    On this topic, I can offer up a million ones, but my best excuse so far is when my maid showed me a doctor prescription for appendicitis. I asked her "Where is it paining?", and she pointed to her throat.

  3. You were always useless at making excuses, my dear Jandy. But very good at writing. So keep on. And keep on guessing who this is.

  4. Why is my comment not being accepted? Hello - Trial.

  5. Trying hard to think of excuses I have made. But cant fathom until recent past. Such a lame life i lead Jane :).

  6. what about the excuse when the servant says she fell off the cycle...didnt see any cycle in my those days...

  7. Jane, you have to hope your office voice doesn't get to this blog:) as usual hilarious post.
    i can share 1 experience- wanted to get out of a boring meeting so took my cell phone out and acted as if somebody is calling me, took the phone to my ear and pretended to talk and step out of meeting. and then my phone actually rang(no, it was not on vibrator!) :)

  8. Our maid once almost told us her maid hadn't come the previous day. Till she realized the folly and quickly changed it to sick kid or something.

  9. Now heres the flip side of it all.
    My son (who like all self respecting 13 year olds) keeps getting into some disaster or the other. Once he cut his head open and while we were rushing him to the hospital, a friend of my sister's rang. He happened to be in town from Mumbai and wanted to meet up. She had to be excused...she was enroute to the hospital with her nephew. Fast forward-two weeks later, my son got into some masti in school and cut his chin open. Repeat action, flew to hospital. Same day, same friend happened to be in town. He called my sis again. She said, Im really sorry but Im in the hospital with my nephew.Hes cut his chin open. The reaction: "Huh?! At least the next time think of a more innovative excuse if you dont want to meet me. Slam!" So much for the truth!
    Now Jane, where were you actually today when you said you couldnt make it to office??

  10. I claimed hay fever every monday for a quarter until my boss finally just shook his head and said I could come up with something less exotic for Chennai. We're still good friends.

  11. Jane, read it many times and still laughing :). Keep them coming.

  12. I LOVE reading your make me smile. Everytime.

  13. hahahhaha, I got so many of such excuses from a girl who was not sure if she liked me or not...