Thursday, May 14, 2009

Keep track !

Back when I was in an office, which back then, had a coffee machine, I overheard this conversation :
She : “ I can’t stand her ! She’s always leading him on…”
Another She : “Yes. And having an affair on the side, I’d like to slap her.”
I sidled in to “lend a ear” a bit more – only to find out they were in a sympathetic cluck-a-cluck over the latest soap opera.

My mom once watched a soap for many moons and sunny afternoons. Everyone basically married every one else in turn, so that there were more connections than the Indian Railways. So Brick, for example, marries Stone (yes, they really have names like that), who is his Dad Sand’s ex-wife. Their kid (Cement?) therefore is his son and his brother – or is it uncle?
“Aaah,” says my anguished Mom, who follows these connections like a bloodhound. “That is SandStorm – the adopted ex-kid who pretended to die in the last episode. You never keep track.”

I walk into S watching his football. Fairly simple. He cheers for Arsenal, who play in red, whose main striker is this brilliant guy called Thierry (Yes, he could apply for my mom’s serial with a name like that). So I walk in and see Thierry in red kick a fabulous goal. Yay Yay, I cheer, Way to go, Arsenal.
S is not amused. Apparently Thierry has joined Barca ages back, and Arsenal, for my kind information, lost their last match. “You never keep track.”

So, I hardly ever watch TV. So what?
But how tough is it to catch on to a kiddie program, I think, as I watch Neel watching the antics of a cartoon dog on screen. How many cartoon dogs are there? Scoobie Doo, Pluto, Spike? I carefully ask : “Hey, Neel, what’s this dog’s name then?”
“Mama, that is NOT a dog. It’s a Velico-Vanquerer-Rapto-Prex. Mamaaa, you never keep track.

Learning : You can tell who is Boss at home by whose hands have the remote control of the TV. So I should get my hands on it, and fling it out of the window. And to the vociferous objections I will get, what can I say? “Don’t you know what day it is today, you guys? Today is My Bad Hair-Badder Mood Day. Don’t you ever keep track?”

9 comments:

  1. hahahahahahahaha
    Well, you should write your own serial, for sure.

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  2. soap operas-easy, the person with most airtime is the protagonist and is usually involved with at least two people(one of who has to be family)

    cartoons-its all manga now. either you know it or you dont. and dont say 'Pluto is a dog,' it gives away your age.

    football - please do try and keep up. easiest way to seem upto date is say 'did you see Liverpool's win?' -they always win

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  3. he he ha ha .... I can just see you in your house!!!!!!!!

    Some sentiments I know the other day Kich was watching his silly cricket match..(I am sure all cricket fans will now kill me ha ha).. and I asked him as I sat there (chatting agoooo agaaaaaaaaa to Aaria..) Why is the commentator calling Dhoni (at least 1 cricketer I know but must admit not for his game but his ads :)....)dhuuuuuni or something like that.. cant he just get it right.. when Kich turned and said he is talking about another guy call Duminy (i think)

    In disgust I turned and thought baby talk was much better....with zero interest in sports
    i know all my friends are happy I dont contribute to their chats or status!!!!!!! since as I learnt once trying to give Manchester merchandise to all Arsenal loving die hard fans!!!!! and how one of my sweetest girl friend who too had no such interest has started to go to games after her marriage ha ha

    well Jane I want to be like you and agree.. let others try be in touch with us!!!!!!!!!

    and as for cartoons what happened to Tom N jerry.. Bugs bunny

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  4. some tips.
    arsenal missed a thousand sitters.
    wenger has lost it.
    liverpool won.
    messi is brilliant.
    ronaldo dived again.

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  5. more tips:

    1. feign interest. par example, "wow! Neel/ Soup/Ma, who is that?!" Insert at strategic points of their animated explanation (which will, no doubt, burst forth) "uh huh, uh huh! I see!" and then walk away after 5 mins..you have wasted 5 minutes of your life. congratulations!

    2. feign no interest. challenge their knowledge instead. par example, "(Little laugh), I bet you cant tell me the history of Brick and Stone/Weird Dog creature/Arsenal etc etc!" Insert aforementioned "uh huh"s again, and walk away after 5 minutes with a "I'm impressed!". Battle won. 5 more minutes wasted.

    3. Tell Soup/Ma/Neel that you know nothing, and would like nothing better than to be educated on the wonder that is TV! 5 minutes each! :)

    4. Why do you want to learn all this again? Isnt Marco chewing your favorite chappal?

    But you havent explained why you want the remote in the first place? It's not like American Idol this year is any good. Much better when Jordin won :) Curl up with a good book instead, or best!!! Where is that electric mosquito swatter again? Do not tell me that hobby died such a quick death! I thought it was there to stay! :D

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  6. omigosh - soup, vinoo - they're posting ManU ads on my blog - do something !!!!!!

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  7. ha ha ha.... You better post in big letters - I AM MARRIED TO A GUNNER! Man U go away. But I have to say I am looking forward to watching the Champions League final - Man U vs Barca and for once I can enjoy the game without caring who wins he he... Btw Jane, Thierry should feature in this match in Barca colours though ;( Ira, stop shaking your head - I am beyond hope darling - I actually enjoy watching football (even when Arsenal is not playing)

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  8. As a total non-tv watcher I can understand what you are talking about. I have faced the same problem when at various times I have been asked not so politely not to disturb with my endless questions about a programme.

    So I decided to get one up one my family & started to watch the news. I thought I was doing quite well until one day my husband called from work & asked if I knew what a certain share had done at 8 in the morning; my sister rang to ask if I knew what such & such's daughter's husband had done; my neighbour called.......

    And all that time wasted trying to keep up with the news!! I give up - I'm happy in my blissfully unaware, horribly out-of-date cocoon!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. As a total non-tv watcher I can understand what you are talking about. I have faced the same problem when at various times I have been asked not so politely not to disturb with my endless questions about a programme.

    So I decided to get one up one my family & started to watch the news. I thought I was doing quite well until one day my husband called from work & asked if I knew what a certain share had done at 8 in that morning; my sister rang to ask if I knew what such & such's daughter's husband had done; my neighbour called.......

    And all that time wasted trying to keep up with the news!! I give up - I'm happy in my blissfully unaware, horribly out-of-date cocoon!!

    ReplyDelete