Sunday, January 30, 2011


‘They’ say we spend a third of our lives asleep. Which third? I’ve taken enormous pains here to clock the life cycle of human sleep.

At this stage, they stay awake the whole night, and fall blissfully asleep at 6 in the morning. Any attempts to wake them will be at your own peril, as new moms discover soon.
Kids: Kids never want to sleep. They treat your entreaty to sleep with major suspicion.
Me: Niks, time to sleep.
Niks: I doesn’t want to. Please I will be a good boy. Please I want to play. Please I doesn’t want to sleep.

Teens: Study/ play computer games/ chat mindlessly online or on phone through half the night, then sleep till afternoon, and demand breakfast at dinner time.

Adults: (I am presupposing here that you consider me one). Adults are all sleep-deprived. New parents walk around like robots, pouring coffee at regular intervals into their mouth, and walking into walls. When their children grow into teens, adults will stay awake all night waiting to hear their kid’s bike engine throb into the driveway after a late night party, after which they will scramble hurriedly into bed, and stay awake wondering whether the kid’s come in alone or not.

This is pure honesty, is my sleep pattern:

11 p.m. Finally Niks crashes out, and I put my weary head onto the pillow.
11.05 p.m. Remember that I left the food out and it will be cockroach-fest, so run downstairs to put it into the fridge.
11.20. Head hits pillow when Marco begins to bark his head off at phantom imaginary cat.
11. 35. Pillow over head, close eyes. Someone begins to sing. Oh, only the TV. Someone has left it on. Walk down to switch it off. It is not my TV. It is the house opposite. Also note strange things happening through the curtains of their window. Takes up 5 minutes more of amused watching. More entertaining than the TV.
11.55. Yippeee! Made it to sleep before midnight.
Midnight: Cell phone shrills. Someone wishes Anjal a Happy Birthday. Assure them I am not Anjal, and it is not my Birthday, and tell them to sue Facebook.
1 a.m. Have spent last 20 minutes staring at Niks asleep and wondering how, at age 3, he can snore so loudly. It is inherited for sure.
1.45 a.m. Finally. Good Night.
2 a.m. Alarm begins to screech. S has a football match to watch in the middle of the night.
Give up and spend till 5 am. Reading in the lamplight.

At 5 am, fall asleep. Do you see what’s happening here? The sleep cycle is a CYCLE indeed. I have regressed, in adulthood to baby sleep patterns.


  1. So u hv bn stealing my midnite ph calls? ha ha, but awesum post. rofl.

  2. are scaring every mother to be ;)
    Now that you have been there and done that...try to inspire some confidence in the otherwise scared to death souls like me :)
    How do you still maintain your sense of humour is a Biiiiggg puzzle :)

  3. Jandy, I can see the book in this. When is your book releasing, btw?

  4. @ anjal - who are you? :P REally?
    @ TK - book's on its own path - chugging along.

  5. @ puja - the sense of humour is born when the kids are.

  6. And I almost called asking you to wake up Sup for our match last night. He missed the alarm methinx.

  7. i woulda given you a volley of colourful language. yup, S returned from bombay at 12, and slept thru his alarm. haHA.

  8. if only we could sleep the day away like babies!!! I hear you Jandy.......

  9. and i remember your days of sleep of yore, HP

  10. Like your take on the "ZZZZZZZZZ" sleep cycle - reminded me of something that was there in one of the emails - "would like to take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger".
    Babies or no babies, sleep deprivation is something we all suffer from...I am so tired all the time that I doze off the moment I hit the pillow. Long flights are a good way to catch up on the sleep that you have missed over months/years...I doze off the moment the engine starts and sleep all thru the 20 hours flight.

  11. sigh! LA, i am taking a long distance flight soon - but unfortunately with the brats - therefore, behaviour to be expected: puking, to the loo every half hour and wanting anything that's not on the menu - and falling asleep just when arrival is announced.

  12. Jane, just read this post and I am having a hearty Laughter. ROFL big time :)

  13. similar story here...night after night. And i guess if i do get to sleeep peacefully through the night i don't get up fresh ;)

  14. Hi Jane,
    Awesome post. Thanks also for the lovely article that you sent to Dheeraja. Teaches a lot about what to praise and how to praise.



  15. Thanks, Vikram. With 2 around, i guess you're in the same boat. You too, Bindu.