Friday, September 4, 2009

what's your dword ?

I stubbed my toe on the $#** door jamb that is supposed to keep the door open.
“damn”, I shout, then seeing Nik (2 ½ years old) - “damnnadiffadoooodidoodilaaaa ! “

We all have a favourite word – the one that comes out first – when that son-of-a-female-dog driver cuts in front of you, or the lice-infested, onion-smelling boss calls you in on a Sunday to office. Or when the damnadooodillaaa door jamb stubs your toe…

I call them dwords (door jamb words), and they tell me more about people than anything else does. Here are some of the results of my life-long research. Feel free to add your own.

“AIIYYO” = “All people listen, I am a proud southie and I don’t care what You think, so sod Off !”

“Oh God” = I don’t think there’s a God, if this is happening to me.

“Awesome” = I have a limited American vocabulary of words like “like”

“Yeeeeoooow “ = I’ve been watching too much Cartoon Network

“Shit” = i was born before MTV

“Fcuk” = I am so fcucking uber-cool that I need to use fcuk 5 times in a sentence before I brush my teeth

“Aaaaaah “ = I am a normal human being in a normal reaction of pain… (which is why you never hear anyone saying this).

While writing this, Nik, who has dropped a monster truck on his own toe screams “Mamaaa ! “ – that’s his dword – and it means “Mama, drop whatever you’re doing (on your toe) and get your butt here at once to make the pain go away! “

“HaHa” says S, which is his dword, since he finds almost everything funny. Also called Laughing Buddha by a wise friend, he is an unflappable person who finds a furious screaming Nik, who immediately stops crying when a furious me arrives, and then immediately drops the same monster truck on his same toe – funny !!!
And suddenly I feel a laugh coming on myself… hehe haha.
“HaHa” – yup – that’s a great positive dword – I will use it from now on till forever.

Nik looks at both his parents cracking up and drops the monster truck – on MY door-jambed toe !


  1. You're forgetting that the English equivalent of the American 'awesome' is 'wicked'. Guaranteed to get you ostracised by most company.

    I believe we are different people when we are alone, than when we have company. It is in company that we try to share our feelings. In private, my d word is one rush of blood to the head and tremendous fury at the shelf for being there above my head just when I was straightening up.

    My d word in company is 'hmmm'. It is meant to sound thoughtful and deep. As if the knock on the head was not just a stupid event of short sightedness, but an illuminating experience that just shed new light on the way we view the world. It might even be followed by equally profound insight such as 'Who would have thought?'

    I spend a lot of time and energy learning swear words in other languages and use them when I am being most polite. Like a Polish swear word instead of 'excuse me' when trying to get the attention of the grumpy lady at the counter in the train station. With the nicest sweetest smile. Close with 'nice day' + chinese swear word. Silent revenge. It came back to bite me, though, when spurning the advances of a Moldovan 'working girl' in Dubai. She was pretend Moldovan (exotic must sell better) and turned out to be Turkish with an acute appreciation of the Turkish words in my vocabulary. Thank God for the Punjabi cabbie who knows exactly what you mean when you're swearing in Punjabi and yelling 'go! go! go!'. Hmmm...

  2. shit! i was born before the Mtv generation, i suddenly feel so old!
    well i am adding my religion consious version of yours...haaaiiii raaaam :)

  3. My dword is a vernac.
    What? It's just a vegetable.

  4. Jane, reading your blog on the ‘damnodaffoloddi’ door jamb reminded me of when I last hurt my toe. I was carrying a fairly large bin when it decided to slip out of my hands and went straight for my big toe. Not worried about my impressionable 4 year old nephew who was right behind me I let loose. Owww... Damn... Shit ... Aiyoo... Crouched on the floor holding my toe but not holding my tears. David hovered around me for a few minutes and seeing that I was still making faces, got hold of my head and smothered me with kisses. Serious Kiss Attack happened. And then he drew back and asked “So Chumi Athai! Has it stopped hurting”. “ No sweety, but it’s feels a bit better”. He then grabbed hold of me again and asked “Then maybe I kiss you some more?”

  5. haha is a good one. i'll remember it :D

  6. It isn't politically correct, but mine could be "holy cow".

  7. can't publish mine. parliamentary language.