Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Statistics prove you are going to die

Woke up to the fresh smell of filter coffee. And opened the newspaper.
Warned the health column – 62% of coffee drinkers have ulcers and angina. Phew ! Just in time !
Opened the orange juice carton. Packed with Vitamin C and all that… Statistics prove that 46.3 % of people who drink juice, which has no fibre, end up with constipation and piles. Ouch !
Cornflakes… frown the statistics – cause cavities in 8.3 out of 10 kids. (what does a .3 kid look like?)
87 % of packaged foods have additives.
85% of fruits have pesticides.
99% of meats are instant cholesterol.
Idli, dosa make India the Diabetes capital of the world.
Ahem ? Water then? Statistics cannot believe my ignorance, pointing out how 77.6% of drinking water is contaminated with underground sewage…. Ugh !

Not hungry any more. Let me just live on fresh air…
Not a chance ! 9 out of 10 places in the city have air that is polluted with above average suspended particle matter which will give me asthma and cancer.
Stop eating. Stop breathing.

A crash course in statistics :
The interviewer met Betty and Sue in a small American hick town, over a cup of coffee. After that, Betty said Bye, tripped over her shoelace, fell down the stairs and broke her neck. The interviewer wrote – Statistics prove that 50% of women who drink coffee die premature deaths.

Statistics are bad for you. Don’t believe everything you’re told… unless I’m telling it to you. J


  1. Don't believe in numbers. Remember the old Siddhuism? "Statistics are like mini skirts; what they hide is much more interesting than what they reveal."

  2. there r 3 kinds of lies. lies, blatant lies and statistics.

  3. glad to know that slash and siddhu and vinoo (and everyone else out there?) share my high opinion of statistics. statistics prove that 78% of people think that statistics should be banned !

  4. ha ha ha ha ha ha
    Write a Book, Betty Sue. Write a Book.

  5. its ok if all these stats will kill be then let it be!!!!!!!!!!

    I rather live enjoying life eating and drinking my cups of coffee....than die thinking of the stats

  6. considering the quality of 'americano' coffee in the average shop in the average strip mall in the average small american hick town, the numbers are probably true.

    pachydermus pretending to be seju.

  7. Best option : eat everything you can lay your hands on. Let the germs & diseases fight it out among themselves. Who knows, they may even kill each other off.

  8. Oprah Winfrey is inviting us all to join her Book Club. You are the right person to join. I won't; I'm an oldie, I'm not threatened by statistics.
    Kuruvilla M U